Luckenhaft's version of Chapter 14 of Naruto Arashiodori
by Luckenhaft
Summary: Does not require the reader to have read the fanfic this was based off of. You ever have one of those days where things just keep going wrong. Well Naruto is having that day. In other news... Sasuke wants to Amaterasu Itachi, but can't! Itachi is into mind-raping kids! Kisame is a fanboy! Naruto's uncle is an assassin! This author is a douche, and this is just for laughs.


**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, or Assassin's Creed. Or what this fic was based off of. Naruto is wearing a cast by the way over his right arm.**

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"Damn that Ero-Sennin." Naruto muttered to himself. He was sitting in a hotel room in a village a few miles away from Konoha. Along the way the older man had started to explain about their mission to find an old lady. His old team mate, Tsuradi or something like that. Naruto hadn't really been paying all that much attention. He was too excited with thinking of the new technique Ero-Sannin had promised to teach him.

"New technique my ass." Naruto growled again. "He runs of with the first girl he sees and only tells me to focus on molding my chakra. Like that would help."

For the past half of an hour, Naruto had been sitting alone on one of the beds in the room, doing nothing but molding chakra. His right arm was still in the sling and he couldn't touch it at all; even the pressing together of his hands to aid him in the molding caused spikes of pain to shoot through his arm. He couldn't even make seals to form a Kage Bunshin so he could have some company!

'And all that was because Ero-Sennin had to go chasing after some random, but extremely pretty, woman. Stupid perverts. I know what he was really planning!'

- knock knock-

Naruto looked up in surprise as someone suddenly knocked on the door.

'What the? He got rejected already? That's gotta be a record.'

Slowly Naruto got up and moved towards the door.

"Yeah, yeah, shut up already. I'm opening the door for you so stop complaining!"

But instead of the humorous and old face of Jiraiya, Naruto was greeted by the face of someone else.

A face that looked like it was frozen in an emotionless state, looking down on Naruto with eyes that didn't show any emotion. Eyes that are red as blood, with 3 small dots shown around the iris of the eye.

"Hello Naruto-kun."

Naruto froze up in shock quickly processing the sight of two missing nin in front of him that knew his name. Just as Itachi took a step forward to enter the room, Naruto replied.

SLAM!

"Ow." Itachi grimaced as the door had slammed into his foot with tremendous force.

Kisame raised an eyebrow at the nine tails jinchuriki's response, "That was rude. Slamming the door in our faces."

Itachi took a few steps back, and turned to Kisame, "Could you open the door for me Kisame-san?"

"Sure, Itachi-san." Kisame replied grinning maniacally as he hefted Samehada on his shoulder.

On Naruto's side of the door he decided to hide from the two missing nin... Under the bed.

CRASH!

The door flew off it's hinges, and crashed into the wall as Kisame's Samehada had been used as a substitute for a battering ram. The door didn't stand a chance.

'I'm not paying for that, Kisame-san.' Itachi thought frowning at Kisame before stepping into the room heading for the window as Kisame followed but stopped at the edge of the bed.

Itachi took a look out the window, and glanced down wondering if Naruto had escaped via the window. If he did then this would become... more troublesome.

Itachi's frown deepened as he realised he was starting to think like a Nara.

"Duck." Kisame told Itachi moments before sending the bed flying towards the window. Itachi praised the log, and Kami-sama for his quick instincts, and reflexes as he dropped to the floor moments before the bed would have possibly killed him. That would have been a rather unpleasant way to die.

Itachi rose up to his full height a moment later, and glared at Kisame again for his lack of tact, and briefly considered using Tsukiyomi on him before glancing down at Naruto who moments ago was cowering under the bed begging Kami-sama, the log, Shinigami-sami, and any other higher beings present that he wouldn't prank anyone ever again if they would get him out of this troubling situation he found himself, "Please come with us Naruto-kun."

Instead of trying to slam a door in Itachi's face, and on his foot this time Naruto choose to drop to his knees, and began begging, "DON'T KiLL ME! There is still so many things left that I have to do! I haven't made Chuunin yet! I haven't gotten to go on a date with Sakura-chan yet! I haven't kicked Sasuke-teme's butt yet! I haven't even gotten to be Hokage yet! I haven't gotten my last meal of ramen!"

Kisame chuckled at that, and briefly considered granting the brat his dieing wish, but changed his mind, "Can I just break his legs so he won't try to run away again, Itachi-san."

Naruto widened his eyes in realization that his begging for his life wouldn't be getting him out of this. Just as Itachi reached out to grab him, Naruto yelled out from the bottom of his lungs, and pointed in a random direction, "LOOK! IT'S PRINCESS GALE SKY DIVING IN A BIKINI!"

"Where!?" Kisame screeched, and began looking everywhere with an overly eager look on his face as he happened to be a fan of the princess Gale movies for entirely different reasons than Naruto was as Itachi blinked, and stared at his partner like he was an idiot for falling for that trick before he realised that he let his eyes off of Naruto.

He cursed as the blonde had managed to slip past Kisame in his brief moment of inattentiveness, 'Leader-sama will be pissed if he finds out I let Naruto-kun escape like that.' Itachi thought while suppressing a shiver as he remembered how Deidara, and Sasori were punished for letting the 5 tails jinchuriki escape them when they started argueing about their art.

Itachi quickly spotted Naruto at the door running down the hall like a maniac screaming at the bottom of his lungs begging for someone to help him get away from the two missing nin. Itachi quirked an eyebrow at that wondering if Naruto realised that specifying two missing nin were after him wouldn't encourage any civilians within earshot to help him. Itachi concluded that Naruto didn't realise this, and chased after him charging past Kisame who now realise princess Gale wasn't skydiving in a swimsuit, 'Dobe.' Itachi thought to himself as Kisame tried to save face by following Itachi out of the room.

They both stopped upon seeing at the end of the hallway stood Itachi's younger brother glaring at them Sharingan spinning, and Orochimaru's curse mark flaring up as Naruto charged past his teammate, and said to him, "They're all yours Sasuke." before turning, and bolting down another hallway.

"You go after Naruto-kun, Kisame-san. I'll deal with Sasuke." Itachi told his partner who smirked deciding to let Itachi enjoy his little family reunion while he chased after the blonde brat who had to get his hopes up, only for them to be crushed, 'I'm going to be breaking more than that brat's legs when I get my hands on him.' Kisame thought chasing after Naruto not even bothering with Sasuke who didn't even notice him pass by as he continued to glare at Itachi wishing he could use Amaterasu on his older brother.

Meanwhile with Naruto who was raising up hell throughout the hotel banging on people's door begging them to let him in, but sadly the other people in the hotel were deaf to Naruto's pleas for assistance.

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Naruto stood in front of one door in particular, and stared at it for a few moments before he decided to try one last time before getting the hell out of this hotel.

BANG! BANG! BANG! "Let me in! Let me in! There are two missing nins after me!"

Surprisingly the door opened, and out stepped a man who stared at Naruto curious about what was going on, "What's a going on!?" The man said in a thick italian accent.

"These two missing nin are after me. One of them looks like an older more polite version of my teammate, and the other is a gigantic shark man with a weird sword, and they are both wearing robes with red clouds on them." Naruto hastily explained before hastily adding a self introduction as the man took on a thoughtful expression while hissing out the word, "Akatsuki." Under his breath in obvious anger before he realised who this child was.

"Naruto. Do you recognize me!?" The man asked the blonde brat who looked up at him confused.

"Should I?" Naruto asked as he scratched his head confused about who this man was.

"It's a me! Your a uncle! Mario!" The man now identified as Naruto's uncle Mario told the blonde who froze up in shock upon realising his uncle wasn't living that far away from his village before shrugging it off, and started begging.

"Uncle Mario! You got to hide me! The Akatsuki are after me! They want me dead! Don't let them get me, uncle Mario!" Naruto pleaded desperately to his uncle in hopes his uncle wouldn't abandon him too like his godfather did. (Not that Naruto knew that.)

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Kisame stood in front of a random door annoyed that he had lost the brat somewhere in the hotel, and decided to ask some of the poeple at the hotel for help in locating the blonde brat. Sadly few poeple would open their doors to a missing nin.

KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK!

Kisame sighed in relief as someone decided to humour him, and opened the door before frowning as he saw no one at the door then looked down at the blonde kid who was obviously not the brat even though he kind of looked like the brat. Kisame frowned at that thought, and considered if the brat had henged into the kid. If he did then either A: Kisame would just force him out of the henge, and probably hurt him seriously, not that Kisame would care. or B: This kid isn't the brat, and Kisame would still off him. It wouldn't bother Kisame that much if he offed a kid. He wasn't like Itachi who went easy on everyone he fought.

Kisame took a step towards the blonde kid who looked like the brat, and his reward was a door to the face, and foot following after a shrill scream from the kid that went something like, "AAAHHH! SHARK FREAK! MOMMY! SAVE ME FROM THE BIG, DUMB, UGLY SHARK FREAK!" Kisame was going to kill the kid for that.

Itachi caught up to Kisame just in time to stop him from having the blonde kid's throat becoming intimitely close with Kisame's Samehada, and scolded his partner for losing his temper, and then apollogized to the child before using Tsukiyomi on the kid to erase his memories of meeting Kisame. Itachi was getting pretty tired from using Tsukiyomi twice after mind-fucking Sasuke with Tsukiyomi again, and using Tsukiyomi on the blonde kid.

Little did they know that Naruto's life took a turn for the badass as he was tooken in by his uncle Mario to become an assassin the likes of which the world hasn't seen since Ezio Auditore.

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**So what did you think? Read, and Review. Don't flame me to hard haters.**


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